Saturday, October 16, 2010

Ever wonder why it seems to take ladies so much longer than their hubbies to get ready to go some where? I can't speak for anyone else but for me there is a very legitimate reason why I am always the last one out the door at my house.
Here is what my husband does before going out: take a shower and get dressed.
Here is what I do before going out: Make sure the kids are up and dressed appropriately. This usually means making sure that they actually have clothes on, as opposed to pajamas which they would be happy to wear 24 hours a day, and are wearing shoes, which they'd be happy to go without 24 hours a day. Then I have to take the dogs outside (don't want any "accidents" to occur while we're gone)This reminds me to check the food and water bowls. Surprise - both empty! So I go to give the dogs food and water.Wait, can't fill up the water bowl because the sink is full of dirty dishes. So I have to rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, then give the dogs their water.Now that that's done I jump into the shower. Nope can't do it. First I have to pick up all the towels that the previous shower-ers have left on the floor. Oh crap! All the towels are on the floor. Are any of them clean? Then one or more dogs starts to "waller" on said towels answering that question for me. OK fine, no problem, ever resourceful I find a beach towel to dry off on. I then jump in the shower ready to enjoy a relaxing hot shower. But NOOOOO! Always the last one in the shower, I get to bask in the luxury of tepid water while using a bar of soap that's roughly the size of an acorn.
Sorta clean and kinda dry, I pull on whatever outfit is the least wrinkled and breathe a sigh of relief, thinking I'm in the home stretch, now. Throw on a little make up, pin up my hair and go, right? Too bad my kids have liberated every one of my hair pins to practice picking locks. So
I just go with the traditional ponytail-- the official hairdo of stressed out mothers everywhere. And forget about make up, there's no time for that. I just grab a pair of big sunglasses and hope they're big enough to hide what the make otherwise would have. Then I'm out the door only to find my dear hubby and my cherubic children waiting for me.
And they ask, "What took you so long??"