How to recognize a teenager

Today is my youngest son's 12th birthday. I can hardly believe it. One more year and my baby will be a TEENAGER!
Since Joey is small for his age people always assume that he's way younger than he actually is. So in honor of Joey on his special day I made up a list (Not unlike Jeff Foxworthy's You Might Be a Redneck Schtick) to help people recognize a teenager when they see one:

- If you have more earrings in your face than in your ears, you might be a teenager.

- If you always dress in black from head to toe (and you're not Johhny Cash) you might be a teenager.

- If you're now asking your self "Who is Johnny Cash?" you might be a teenager.

-If you know every Jonas Brothers song, but don't know who the vice president is, you might be a teenager.

- If instead of having your jeans hemmed, you prefer to just walk-off that extra three inches of denim, you might be a teenager.

- If you've ever watched The Osbournes and understood what Ozzy was saying, without subtitles, you might be a teenager.

- If you would rather wear your bike chain around your neck than on your bike, you might be a teenager.

-If the only way you mom can talk to you is by text message, you might be a teenager.

- If you have a Miley Cyrus song on your ipod and swear you don't know how it got there, you might be a teenager.

- If you can use the f-word as a noun, a verb and an adjective in one sentence, you might be a teenager.

- If you think Red Bull should be included in the food pyramid, you might be a teenager.

- If Jersey Shore is your idea of a "documentary", you might be a teenager.

- If your mom thinks you're "at the movies'', you might be a teenager.