Friday, February 20, 2009

I have made a decision. No more PopTarts for my kids. From now on it's gonna be bran muffins every day.Those boys need their fiber in the worst way. And when I say ''worst" I really mean it.
I have gotten sick and tired of seeing those giant redwood trees in the toilet every time one of them poops and "forgets"to flush.
"Always flush after you use the bathroom!''I constantly remind them. Who knew those words would come back to bite me in the ass.
Last night, I went into my bedroom to get something and noticed wet dog footprints everywhere.You can imagine my surprise when I looked to find the source of the water and found an overflowing toilet.
Just to be clear on this, it wasn't one of those darn-it-I'd-better-grab-a-mop situations. It was at least two inches of water on my bathroom floor, complete with dog tracks and floating turds! And it was still pouring! Luckily I had the choice of going in to shut the water off barefoot, or in the flip flops I was wearing. Talk about your no-win situation.
I rolled up my jeans and got the water turned off, then went and got the shop-vac. In case you don't know, that's a wet and dry vacuum and literally picks up anything and everything.
But here's the thing... the last time I used this particular shop-vac, I noticed how dirty the filter was. So I took some initiative and washed it. Then I sat it out in the sun to dry. I didn't really notice that besides being a very sunny day it was also a very windy day. The filter blew away and I never found it. I had every intention of buying a new one but somehow it got shifted to the bottom of my priority list.
Being the non-mechanical type that I am, I really had no idea what the filter was even for.So I decided to just use it without one. It was for the greater good, after all. Now I am acutely aware of at least one of the functions that filter performed. This lesson was learned when I began to use the shop-vac and it began to shoot shit-water out at me.
To say I was disgusted would be the understatement of the century. But I stood my ground against my new arch enemies Shit-water and Floating-turds, and finally got the mess cleaned up.
In true pissed off mama form, I went to my sons ready to bring down the wrath of God on whoever did this.
"The toilet just overflowed,does anybody have any idea why that might have have happened!?" I said
''I don't know anything about that, mama.''said Nikk as he looked up at me with his innocent brown eyes, "All I did was take a dump and flush it. You always say to flush when we take a dump."